@heatherlou_: I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we're both laying in the floor looking at my phone.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mommajessiec: *man on tv sweeps items off desk and passionately embraces woman* Me: How romantic. *husband passionately throws folded laundry off bed* Me: WTF
@Rollinintheseat: St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. They gave him a great Uber rating.
@roxiqt: Anyone that breaks up with me gets followed around by a gang of feral raccoons with tiny signs that say "Really?" and "Seriously dude?" for at least, a month.