@heatherlou_: I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we're both laying in the floor looking at my phone.
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@hmmwalsh: Twitter is perfect for men, because with men brevity is key. Beyond 140 characters they know they're going to say something wrong.
@DwayneDavidPaul: Pooping on the clock is the small-scale revolt of the working class in preparation for the people's revolution.
@alexlumaga: *First Passover* The Lord: And you shall consume the meat of the lamb this same night, eating it roasted with unleavened bread and bitter herbs Me: Like a gyro? The Lord: Not exactly… Me: HEY EVERYBODY GOD SAYS WE’RE HAVIN GYROS