@Dutch_50: I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it.
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@moutheaters: Her: I have butterflies in my stomach Me (trying to impress): My skull is full of wasps
@AtticusFinch79: Robber: This is a stick up Me: *clears throat* I'll stick up for Larry. Pat called him an idiot earlier and although it's true, it was mean
@CJhooray: I just saw a list of candidates for the local Juvenile Judge election and I just don't think juveniles should even be able to be judges idk
@ElliotHetherton: me: my pasta salad is cold waiter: it’s meant to be me: I think you’re cute too but let's get this pasta problem figured out first