@dreadnaught69: I was pretty sure you were the wrong kind of crazy. Then you used "luckfully" in a tweet and removed all doubt.
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@unravelingfire: Me: Do you like my new negligé? Him: Are you wearing bubble wrap? Me: You said put something on that would keep you occupied for hours.
@EndhooS: reporter: tell us how you thwarted the robbery me: [shrugs] he told us to put our hands where he could see them so I put them over his eyes
@ConanOBrien: I always cry at those YouTube videos of babies getting hearing aids and hearing their mother's criticism for the first time.
@jessicaa1017: Waitress at Olive Garden tells me to say "when" and starts grating cheese on my salad I say nothing Room fills with Parmesan No one survives