@colesprouse

I was sad until I automatically connected to the local McDonald’s WiFi, then I was ~extra~ sad.

I was sad until I automatically connected to the local McDonald’s WiFi, then I was ~extra~ sad.

- @colesprouse

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@ericsshadow

For sale: $300 King size mattress & box spring, 6 mo old, Never had sex on it, not even once. IDK ask her.

@BackrowSeats

I try contributing to society but it keeps insisting I take it back.

@felicityward

Hangman is a lovely childhood game where you slowly draw a man killing himself if another kid can’t read your mind.

@ArfMeasures

Date *sitting on couch* I love scary movies

Me: ok but this is pretty dark, it’s about a boy plagued by haunted dolls

Date: Sounds good!

Me: The cowboy one is called Woody

@lemonmartinis

I bet deaf people scare the shit out of bank tellers when they hand them a note.

@impaulmccoy

Me: I think I’ll leave my car windows cracked so it’s not so hot later

Pollen: lol, ok

@markleggett

My views are my own, although they’re heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.

@egg_dog

a car is a metal ravioli and you are the meat!

@Reel2Dialog2

Me: *wakes up with a jolt, sweating*
Her: omg are you ok??
Me: BABY SPICE WASN’T A BABY SO THAT MEANS SPORTY PROBABLY WASN’T ATHLETIC AT ALL

@WhatevaConc

Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine’s Day.

When they answer “dinner”, you should say “no…after that”.