@colesprouse: I was sad until I automatically connected to the local McDonald’s WiFi, then I was ~extra~ sad.
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@daemonic3: [grocery store robbery] ROBBER: *sets gun on conveyor belt so cashier sees* ME(next in line): *slowly places grocery separator behind gun*
@Shot_Of_Cabo: "Wanna fool around while the baby is asleep?" I ask to the woman next to me on the plane who I've never met before and whose baby is asleep.
@EricBedner: "Bye, losers." *puts on motorcycle helmet and sunglasses* *rides unicycle into an elevator* "Can you push the button for the lobby please."
@leechee420: Friend asks me to be her maid of honor: M-What do I have to do? F-Well I know you, so I'm expecting very little. Mission accomplished.