My son asked me where babies come from. He so silly, babies are too young to come.
I was so excited. Thought I found an M&M at the bottom of my purse. It was only an earbud. I ate it anyway.
You Might Also Like
Barber: How do you want it?
Me [gets the same haircut every time]: UUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Whoever said you cannot live off of wine and cheese alone did not try hard enough.
If I’m ever possessed, I hope the demon remembers these curls need product to bounce.
*seductively uses appropriate punctuation*
Buy a gun from a guy off the streets.
As soon as he sells it to you, point it at him & get your $$ back.
I’m spending my adult life behind bars, or as my spouse likes to call it, married
When life hands you donkeys, move to a mountainous region.
What idiot called them atheists instead of non-parishables?
Husband praying mantis: I have a headache