Woman came up to me in Target & whispered, “You have toilet paper hanging out of your shorts.”
I said, “Well don’t you have nerve. No one EVER bothers me about my tail at the WalMart.”
I was voted, “most likely to interfere with a corpse,” in high school.
You Might Also Like
Hi, welcome to Necrophiliac Club.
Who wants a cold one?
”I wonder how long cake is good for before it goes stale?”
*I say to myself as I eat the last slice from a cake made earlier that day
Why would I spend $5 on a bag of apples at the store when I can wear warm fall clothes in 88° weather and pay $36 for our family to pick them ourselves.
A girl at work has the same shirt on as me, but I have a coffee stain down the front of mine, so it’s not awkward.
Friend: Sorry. Are you annoyed?
Me: *chainsaw noises*
you know when you’re rocking the no makeup look and you assume you’re lookin all beachy natural n cute but then u look in the mirror and u look like a victorian child sick with influenza who won’t make it through the winter
Are you Chinese? Well, how about you?”
– Chinese Checkers
Kinda gross IMO, but I guess everyone needs a hobby.
Being hungry again a half hour after eating Chinese food isn’t about the food being Chinese, it’s about you being American.