I wasn’t mad. Then you asked me 12 times if I was mad. Well, now I’m mad.

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Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger’s engagement proves that not only is love blind, it’s also deaf.


Halloween. A kid comes to the door with a sign”I love ceilings”
What are you?
A Ceiling Fan.
Gave him all the candy.


My dad had a weird sense of humor. When I was 5, I tried to “dig a hole to China.” The next day when I went back to dig more, there were egg rolls in the hole


After the “incident” at the family cabin, my Indian name is Bounces Off Deck.


The New York Post publishes rumours about Dwayne Johnson. He sues for defamation and wins.

Rock beats paper.

And the crowd goes wild.


[quietly] “Always a bridesmaid never the bride”

BRIDE: Hey, you’re not one of my bridesmaids!

“Shhh…this day is about you, not me.”


People say you can’t avoid death but I’ve been doing it all my life.


At what age is it acceptable to completely let yourself go physically? Please say 44


According to the stores .I should be in a Halloween costume, sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey . I’m so confused.


Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a good way to get a whole row to yourself at the cinema.