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@Bob_Janke

I fit into my fat clothes again thank god I didn’t throw them away

@AndrewNadeau0

Air Bud but from the perspective of a kid on the losing team that has to explain to his overbearing father he lost to a dog.

@rudy_mustang

how would water even break? it’s a liquid. im not sure i want to have a baby with a liar sharon

@ChaseMit

“I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In” is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.

@Smug_Lemur

Everyone said the hamster catapult wasn’t appropriate for the science fair but no one could stop watching.

@PearlsFromMyrna

Mildred’s cat, Mildred, is missing.

On a related note, Mildred named her cat Mildred.

Which is probably why the cat left in the first place.

@PhilJamesson

Husband Bear: Honey! I’m home!
Wife Bear: For God’s sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?