Me: I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: it took him a couple bytes
I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a “ghost” and end up as a “drunk ghost that needs a ride home.”
You Might Also Like
“The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor” – inventor of carpet toliet seat covers
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
“Where are you from?”
-Trumpsylvania, how about you?
Hey morons, when in doubt, just spell it “theiyr’re.”
If sexual frustration could be transferred into a usable energy source, I would be sitting on a gold mine
Doctor: so what type of birth control are you using?
Me: my appearance
Gas is like $40/full tank
Carrots are like $1/pound
Ya boi is getting a horse.
ME: The enmity we feel toward someone with our name who spells it differently is just silly.
ALLISON: I agr-
ME: WHO ASKED YOU TWO L’s?!