@david8hughes: I went to the movies with a girl last night. I paid for the tickets & the snacks, & anything else I can before she reports her card stolen.
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@callie_cakes: PRO TIP: If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
@aveuaskew: You'd think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won't.
@buckweiser13: Being nice to people who don't deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you're not in jail for murder, is nice.
@david8hughes: [in class] Me: hey, can I borrow a pen? Guy: sure, black or blue? Me [sweating & swelling up]: you got one for bee stings?