Day drinking poolside. There’s literally nothing that could ruin this moment.
“MOMMY WATCH THIS!”
I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU and cuddle you softly.
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No good ever comes from pulling on that tiny thread.
Wait…the “S” in ASAP doesn’t stand for “Slowly?”
This has cost me 27, maybe 28 jobs.
him: i love you
me: im saving my emotions for the star wars premiere
[First day of jury duty]
*whispers to fellow juror* Psst. Hi! Sorry, first day in court haha. So when does the jester perform?
Some blacks don’t like whites, some whites don’t like blacks!
And nobody likes Mexicans!
Big deal! Who cares!
Sorry I got discombobulated.
I’m rebobulated now.
I’m just a girl, yodeling at the top of my lungs, until someone agrees to give me this latte for free.
My neighbor has a couple of cameras on her house, every time I go past I wave at her through the camera, she told me the other day she gives me the finger.
math teacher: you currently have a 55% in this class and you need at least 60% to pass
me: is there anything i can do to raise my grade?
math teacher: if you do this one assignment, i’ll give you 10% extra credit
me: i don’t- is that going to be enough