[Morgan Freeman voice] Isolated from his group, this penguin will not survive
[penguin voice] Hey dude, I can hear you.
I will never understand the people who wait in a long line, finally arrive at the register and then act like they’ve been caught off guard by the requirement that they produce some form of currency for their purchase.
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“I have a particular set of spills,” Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt.
He looks for a napkin but the last one’s already been Taken.
[taking FRIENDS quiz]
7. Which character do you most identify with?
8. Which is your least favorite character?
[Driving w/date in car]
Date [turns radio to country]
Me [reaches over date, opens passenger door] This isn’t working. [Hits eject button]
*has to pee*
*gets up to pee*
You can’t believe it’s not butter? Buddy, almost everything is not butter
running away to greece is ok. sleeping with 3 men in one summer is ok. not knowing which one of them is the father of ur daughter is ok. encountering the 3 of them at her wedding is ok. only communicating through abba songs is ok. do whatever u need to do to cope.
He died doing what he loved: checking to see if wolves are ticklish.
Sure sex is great but have you ever turned off the news?
Me *swallows pride*
Baby lion: holy shit