@jessokfine: I wipe my counters with raw chicken breasts because I refuse to have weak children.
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@Beardson: I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.
@Reverend_Scott: [school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? "Abolishing slavery." And... "Slaying vampires." Very good.
@Brampersandon_: PAPA JOHNS EMPLOYEE: what can I get you ME: I'll take a large *forgetting the word pizza* cheese frisbee