Watching married couples argue in Bed Bath & Beyond is my Game of Thrones.
I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler’s diarrhea.
You Might Also Like
I forgot why I was retracing my steps so I gave up and re-retraced them back to bed.
Sure kids cost roughly $14,000 annually, but think about all the money you save from no longer having a social life.
I bet that at some point in history a baby ate a dingo.
After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I’m like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle.
sometimes I question my sanity, sometimes it replies
STOP disrespecting my family
my mom is THOUGHTFUL AND STRONG
my dad is PRINCIPLED AND SINCERE
my brother is SELFLESS AND KIND
my grandmother is A SAINT
You have to love a boss with a sense of humor. Mine just sent me a 7am meeting notice on Outlook and I’ve never laughed so hard…
snow white’s glass casket was the original snow globe and if you think the dwarves didn’t fill it up with glitter and shake her around in there when they got sad, you’re a fool
Him: Can you please stop using the bananas like they are phones
Me: But how am I supposed to contact the gorillas
Him: You’re unbelievable!
Gorilla *over banana*: When are you leaving him?