Invention of the hug:
“You look sad. Let me choke your whole body”
I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, “Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat’s meow.”
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Wedding rehearsals, because ruining your life takes practice.
a firefly accidentally calling one of the stars in the night sky “mom” lol like how embarassing
[Watching my husband gag having difficulty swallowing an omega-3 fish oil soft gel]
Me: Well, well, well Mr. “you can take it all, baby” it aint so easy is it?
Mittens: so everyone brought a bird again but no plates, that’s just great
I can’t get out of bed, my Fitbit is charging and my steps won’t count
“When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?”
Yes, son. Love is terrible.
“No Mom, I said LAVA.”
Oh. You maybe can survive that one.
Just cleaned out my desk.
Bad news: I apparently have 1,453 Sharpies and none of them are sharp.
Good news: I found the plane!
My boss wrote accidently wrote “Pantera” instead of “Panera” and now I’m dressed really inappropriately for this business lunch.