@Nickadoo: I wish my job was more like a video game. In order to be promoted to the next level, all I'd need to do is kill the boss.
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@LostFelicia: Him: How many pairs of shoes do you have? Me: 12 Him: That includes flip-flops, boots, and the ones you never wear. Me: 118
@3sunzzz: [lunch date] "I'll have a salad." Narrator: Ursula then returns home and eats Fritos, Cool Whip and what appears to be leftover meatloaf.