@VerbsRProudest: I wish offended people reacted like fainting goats. No, it wouldn't solve a thing, but life would be so entertaining.
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@Fat_Jalbert: [trailer] Narrator: THIS SUMMER, KEVIN HART Me: oh no Narrator: GUESS WHAT HE'S DOING Me: another cop m- Narrator: ANOTHER COP MOVIE
@tweetsaboutdog: interviewer: how are you with excel? me: i hate it interviewer: an experienced user then
@Darlainky: I told my aunt I love cooking with my Instapot, and judging by these edible recipes she just sent me she may have misunderstood.
@MourningGlory_: Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail. JK It was me.