NO, YOU GET THE HELL OFF YOUR PROPERTY.
i won 100 dollars worth of chips at the casino, all i had to do was throw a brick through the vending machine glass
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Do, Re, uh…
*calls Lionel Ritchie*
“What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?”
Is it Mi you’re looking for?
I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.
[learning to drive stick]
Dad: hands at 10 and 2
Dad: now go ahead and shift
Me: *slowly moves hand*
Dad: 10 AND 2 ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US
Me at 2 AM: I’m so tire-
Brain: Shut. Up. Do you remember how Greg in the 3rd grade wronged you? DO YOU?
*Hums Every Breath You Take in grocery line
*Gets arrested for stalking 3 people
Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring?
*sliding it off his finger*
Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe…
Me: *standing naked in front of the doctor
Doctor: Ma’am, I just meant to take your socks off. I’m a podiatrist.
I get very stressed out when characters in movies are told a rapid-fire list of things to do and don’t write it down.