@mrtruthandsoul: I wonder how many times Batman had to rub one out in the Batmobile after fighting with Catwoman
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@benharnett: I interviewed 300 high achievers about their morning routine, and you will never believe, they all have inherited family wealth.
@GBRougecity: I don't believe in reincarnation but damn my dog looks like he's trying to crank over a motorcycle while he's sleeping.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency "Please help, I made too much spaghetti" Relax sir, we've all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*
@david8hughes: Interviewer: u worked in sales before? Me: yeah Interviewer: what's your background? Me [gets phone out]: picture of my dog eating spaghetti