Sorry about your forehead…
…I thought that was clearly a high five moment.
i wonder what my cat is thinking about when she sits curled up at my feet staring at me for hours and sharpening her hattori hanzo sword
You Might Also Like
If my wife calls me passive-aggressive one more time I swear to God I’m going to run the dishwasher half-empty again
[Person who spends 20 hours per week in the gym]
“The trick is to drink 8 glasses of water a day.”
Doctor: so what type of birth control are you using?
Me: my appearance
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. We launch a bird into pigs.
Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween. Guess they don’t like random people coming up to their door.
there there son
*crouches down & wipes his tears*
its ok, dont go crying over spilt mil– YOU GOT IT ON THE XBOX!? no NO. call 911. CALL 911
A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment
There should be an Olympic event that requires participants to remove a single cube from an ice cube tray.
If it burns when you pee, you need to be eating less firewood.