*walks into room, turns chair around backwards & sits down with arms crossed on it*
hey kids…I’m here to talk about how chairs confuse me
I won’t be gratified sexually until someone dumps one of those big Gatorade containers on me after.
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*lays down on the battlefield*
You all go on without me. I’m tired.
she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now?
“…there ar plenty of fish in the sea”
OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
How do you say “bra” in German? Stopsemfromfloppin
*on death bed*
priest: any regrets my child?
*montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn’t try to ride it*
Sex so good my Fitbit gave me a trophy.
I want my toddler to be independent but I also want this banana peeled before I die.
The first rule of Oedipus Club: mum’s the word.