How many boxes of Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
I would like a warm hound please
A flaming puppy
“Do you want a hot dog, ma’am?”
Yes. A scorching pooch
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Most guys will go gay for the night with the right amount of sangria & Foreigner playing in the background
Don’t ask me how I know
[Movie pitch in Hollywood]
A mythical creature who likes to dance moves to a small town where dancing’s illegal. We’ll call it BigfootLoose
I’m 35 and I’ve never been married.
At this point, if you ask me on a date, be prepared to tell me about your retirement benefits.
I’m starting an eraser company and looking to get the word out
all I wanna do is
move to a safer neighborhood
I ate everything, including the H.
My wife’s tweezers were missing the other day, she finally found them near a fly with no wings, I don’t know how that happened.
*puts to and to together*
*blesses the rains down in Africa*
me: “youre serving Blue Curacao? so its a boy! congrats man!”
friend: “for the third time, this is not a gender reveal party and please stop drinking the Windex. i think it is causing permanent damage”
me: “so, have you picked any names yet?”