All amusement parks are abandoned amusement parks right now. The Scooby Doo crew must be overwhelmed.
I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather’s pubic hair than “pull an all-nighter” with you.
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Take me with you! I shout to every airplane that flies over my house.
When someone says they were shook, I presume they meant as a baby.
Real girls have curves. A real girl is just one long, continuous curve. Do not date girl unless she is a parabola.
Doctors say eating a piece of Bacon takes 9 mins off your life…if my math is correct i died in 1781
genie: i shall grant you three wishes
me: i wish for a world without lawyers
genie: done, you have no more wishes
me: but you said three
genie: sue me
Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say “What’s up, Chad?” & he’ll be all “Whoa… How’d you know my name, bro?”
I do shrugs at the gym with like 400 pounds just to show everyone how hard I don’t care.
(bank drive thru)
Me: *puts deposit through pneumatic tube
Banker: This is a can of Pringles
Me: Yes, savings please
Me: Ping me when you are free.
Girl:Ok. *Starts working in 2 Shifts*