What’s the 5 second rule when you drop a baby on the floor?
I wouldn’t call it ‘passive aggressive’, but I do send the glitter Christmas cards to the people who annoy me.
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Not to brag, but several of my tweets have been described as ‘unfortunate’.
murderer: run if you want to live
me: *starts sprinting*
murderer: not like toward me tho
What’s your greatest weakness?
ME: Probably avoiding tough questions
Can you elaborate on that?
ME: Oh hey look at the time!
The spider I let live in my kitchen is letting the bugs run amok. No free rides!
Your days are numbered missy.
WHAT I SAID:
Woah! You look like Tina Turner on meth.
WHAT I SHOULD’VE SAID:
Good Morning Honey.
Me: Doctor, I’m not ready to be a father yet.
Doctor: Your daughter is 10.
You can totally cheat during board games with your kids if after 30 minutes, there is no end in sight. I’m looking at you Chutes and Ladders!
*Stands guard with scissors and tinsel*
Wait, you said “wrap battle”, right?
Thailand started 2020 with a major plastic bag ban so now Thais have made it a trend to put their shoppings in random things & i’m living for it LMFAO