We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@SoVeryBritish: “I wouldn’t worry if I were you” - Translation: I’m not worried because I’m not you
@causticbob: Why can't Stephen Hawking dance? Because he's white.
@illuminatedwndr: "Would you like to import all of your phonebook contacts to your Twitter account...?"
hahahaha yeah, that'll go well
@birbigs: How do you milk an almond?
@thedailymarker: Husband getting dressed:
Me: Purple and green don't go together.
Husband: It works for the Joker.
Me: My point exactly.
@tastefactory: *I finish setting up a display of skeletons in my front yard*
Neighbor: Great Halloween display!
Me: What is halloween?