@3sunzzz: I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.
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@iGreenMonk: She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.
@TheHyyyype: ME: jesus preached about the virtues of forgiveness STUDENT LOAN SERVICER: yeah, still no