@countrybredred

I’d let you be the reason my cheeks blush.. All four of them

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@jujubangzz_

Elon Musk’s son not gonna have birthdays he’s gonna have updates😭😭

@WigCannon

how to hot dogs:

1) “read” hot dogs instructions
2) place 5 to 60 hot dogs in warm microwave or sink
3) add 1 piece of ketchup
4( drink

@ooforth

Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought a android Ipad.

@marinhubka

Hey when I die will you please put my body into a box and then bury it in a big yard specifically for body boxes?

@audrocur

guy joined zoom class shirtless and the tutor told him to turn his video off and so he did and it just displayed his profile pic of him shirtless at the beach

@ceejoyner

For a quiet ride, buckle the empty seatbelt beside a child and tell them not to wake up the ghost.

@longwall26

A werewolf is chasing you. You’re on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.

@Mr_Kapowski

“The first mechanic lied to you”

– Every 2nd opinion mechanic

@tastefactory

GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in!
GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I’m good.

@shutupmikeginn

[my first cutaway on The Bachelorette] I can eat more roses than any of these guys