They should make engagement ring boxes that whisper “Dont do it” when you open them.
I’d like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please.
“Sir, that is a sleeping bag”
*winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*
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Remember to keep the ‘inmate’ in ‘intimate’ by getting married.
Oh so you like stuff? Name three stuff.
Most Unsafe Christmas Toys:
Fisher-Price My First Deep Fryer
Nicotine Patch Dolls
Barbie’s Poorly Wired Dream House
me (under my breath): don’t let her know how awkward you are
date: what are you having
me: an ok time
Waiter: a little salsa for your chips, folks?
Patron: I dunno… *looks at chips* you guys want him to dance for you?
My father has many healthy goats. All this can be yours.
I dont mean to brag but my sense of humour has people saying they worry about me sometimes.
God bless the hundreds of people doomsday prepping at Costco right now and still eating the little food samples sitting out for everyone to touch #coronavirus
*scientist finishes bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and begins drinking the milk*
“Wait just one damn minute”
– How horchata was born