@KimmyMonte

i’d like to die of natural causes like being stabbed to death by the grand canyon

You Might Also Like

@gfishandnuggets

Judging by the way my kids raced to see who could chug their chocolate milk the fastest at the dinner table, I’d have to say they are never, ever going to be allowed at a keg party.

@furrrizzle

Dear diary,

My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him.

Apparently Meth wasn’t what he expected.

Dating is bull shit

@KimmyMonte

It’s bikini season, so you’re allowed to shoot bikinis as long as you have a permit.

@KiaraJeanine

Conversation between my mom and my 12 year old brother. I am in tears.

@ArfMeasures

My life is a rollercoaster. There’s a lot of sitting down and screaming.

@weismanjake

Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread

@Carbosly

I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans.

I find it lightens the mood.

@GreenishDuck

You know that one cow in the field that’s like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That’s me. I am that cow.

@TheTweetOfGod

Only he who has walked through the deepest valley knows how other valleys of lesser depth are relatively more walk-throughable, valley-wise.