@Adar79Angie: I'd make a horrible movie murder victim.When I hear strange noises in the night I roll over and figure, eh, they'll work themselves out.
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@Leemanish: There's this guy at work who's always putting on a sweatshirt. No one's ever seen his face.
@Abusitron: Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*
@UnfilteredMama: I want my kids to know they can always talk to me about anything going on in their lives. Except Fortnite.
@madeleinedoux: Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID