[Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy]
“Let’s see who this ghost really is!”
No! Wait, I’m not-
[rip off face]
*gasps* “OLD MAN SKELETON?”
I’d tell my neighbor about the weird smell coming from her apartment, but she’s been so quiet that I don’t want to disturb her.
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[pulls up after first date]
Me: well, this is my place
Her: a bouncy house?
Me: you expected a bouncy castle? IM SORRY “YOUR MAJESTY.”
The only double penetrating I’ll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee.
Some guy told me I wasn’t funny today, so I punched him in his face because nobody likes liars.
Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
1968: One day, computers will improve every area of our lives.
2018: Watching a rapper take a bath with a hairless cat.
Drinking recklessly used to mean tequila until 4 am.
Now its coffee after 5 pm.
does watever a spider can:
has two legs., he can talk.
wat kind of spider bit this guy