exec: i have a new band that’s going to tear up the charts
ceo: what’s the name
exec: duran duran duran
ceo: that’s way too many durans
exec: we can cut it down to just duran, sir
ceo: hmm now i’m worried that’s not enough durans
exec: i have an excellent idea then, sir
I’d totally bang him, but how awkward would the job interview be after that?
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“YOLO” giggled the 53rd incarnation of Buddha
asked my dentist out but she brushed me off, said she only dates plaque guys
Not gonna paste any more time on that cavitease, it’s her floss
My son is 2,000 years old and still lives with His parents. #loser
Mermaids who never get married eventually accumulate a bunch of catfish.
He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted’s memory lives on.
Sorry you stood next to me at the urinal in sandals, bro.
What did we learn?
[buying college textbooks]
That’ll be 100 million dollars
[returning college textbooks]
We can give you half off on this pencil case
Things toddlers have in common with raccoons:
– make messes they have no intention of cleaning up
– won’t share
– don’t like baths