@badbanana

Idea: Like Google Glass, but a necklace or something that projects a website onto the face of the person talking to you.

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@sparticus_af

no caffeine: day 6

-sleeping better
-stable moods
-less anxious
-can’t think straight
-i’m exhausted
-3 people are dead

@AndrewChamings

Jesus [on the cross]: I hope you guys make some cool necklaces about this

@SoNotBrendan

Apple and Puma have developed smart track pants, they’re called iPumaPants.

@DothTheDoth

I can’t wait for the stage of capitalism where we have to watch a 15 second advertisement before we remember a memory.

@JediGigi

Interviewer: Your resume only has “Mad” under “Skills”

Me: Yeah boyee

Interviewer: *tears up* You’re just what we need. Welcome to Subway.

@MrSpoonicorn

hey boy 😉 is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register

@LaLa_Lyds

I just dropped my pen on the public restroom floor.
I’ll miss that pen.

@ShortSleeveSuit

People that don’t speed up when merging onto a highway, who hurt you? Because I’d like to try next

@SnarkyMommy78

10 is trying to negotiate a later bedtime and just told me he thinks we treat him unfairly because we make him “sleep too much” and I just wish someone would treat *me* that unfairly.