My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
IF A CAN OPENER DOESN’T WORK IS IT CALLED A CAN’T OPENER
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2016: imagine the worst case scenario.
2019: no, not like that, worser
Baby Geese are called Goslings and baby Vampires are called Gothlings.
Hey, people who leave the volume on an odd, non divisible by 5 number, how do you live with yourselves?!
My neighbour knocked on my door this morning at 2:30am! Can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
I don’t have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.
I hope Bitcoin is like Snapchat in that people stop talking about it before I have to learn what it is.
I compulsively open my refrigerator in hopes that the portal to the other world has opened up.
It hasn’t so I had some cheese.
I’m rubber, you’re glue. He’s scissors, she’s a toner cartridge, those fellas are paperclips. Welcome to the supply closet pal.
I won every fight in 1st grade.
Not because I was tough, because I was 13.