@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CornOnTheGoblin: [Bee diary] Day one: met a really cute queen bee Day two: queen bee is now my gf Day three: my gf cheated on me with my 40,000 roommates
@ErrenMichaels: [crab overhears the words 'crab cakes'] *applauds with tiny crab clawed excitement* oooh cakes for crabs [crab sees the crab cakes] oh no. oh god no.
@TheBoydP: Protip: If you refer to yourself as “someone” when explaining something bad that happened, your wife will always know that “someone” is you.