@jenlaw_11

If a server comes to my table and asks ‘hows everythin tasting?’ mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

Whenever you eat something that tastes awful you should always say “that’s disgusting” immediately followed by “here try it”.

The Rules

@1evilidiot

Whoever called it rush hour should not be allowed to name anything else.

@Mostly_Cheese

Me: *watches six consecutive hours of SVU*

Also me (brushing teeth for two minutes twice a day): Thith ith bullthit.

@ch000ch

step 1. log onto instagram
step 2. find wedding day hashtags, ex. “SmithWedding2014”
step 3. use hashtag
step 4. post pictures of yaks

@brittwastaken

If stalking people is so bad, why does Twitter keep giving us a list of people to follow?

@timdonakowski

Sorry neighbor who’s choking to death, my cat’s resting his little head on my leg.

This, like, never happens.

@KalvinMacleod

I bet if Bruce Banner had children he’d be the Hulk more than 90% of the time.