@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.
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@MUMSIEesq: Give them a Cheesecake Factory gift card this holiday season so they know you "grocery store checkout line" love them
@Lindzeta: Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?
@truegritrumble: ME: This is my newborn, straight from the hospital. OTHER PARENT: You're parenting wrong.
@NewDadNotes: [at ultrasound] Wife: omg so what is it? Me: it’s a baby. Wife: I know that. Me: then why did you ask? Wife: Doctor: yes then why did you ask?