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*licks stamp*
hmmm tastes weird
*mails letter*
hmmm mailbox had wings
*drives home on flying monkey*
hmmm that wasn’t a stamp


Woke up to 5:15am phone reminder telling me I need to set my alarm for 8am. Thanks last night drunk self. This is why we don’t have friends.


Hey! My husband wanted me to let you guys know he calls me his “wined up” toy.


“ice, ice, baby. ice, ice, bab–no ice– no thats definitly a babey” – man who has a job sorting babys and ice at the ice & baby factorey


I’m a single dad of 2 pre-teens so naturally at times there are talks of running away; but I don’t


Don’t be upset it didn’t work out with us, babygirl, I’m sure there’s someone else out there that’s almost as disappointing as me.


The distorted faces and primal noises I made during labor do not even touch my husband’s performance when he’s in the throes of a toe cramp.


Parenting is basically telling your kids they need to eat more fruit then telling them to quit eating all the fruit.