If anyone asks, we met at a bible study.

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Remembered there were pudding cups in the fridge, so I walked faster than usual to the kitchen and now I know what a “runner’s high” is.


If at first you don’t succeed, you’re assembling furniture from IKEA.


Me: If the sun has a finite life can we really save the planet?



……bless you
……bless you
……bless you


Somewhere, a real Nigerian prince is sitting at his computer wondering, “Why oh why does nobody reply to my emails?”


My son got a Country Boy sticker for his truck. I wrote “but I live on a golf course and I’m afraid of cows” under it bc I don’t like lies.


Kids are making millions off apps and games they’ve created and I haven’t watched TV in days because I hit a wrong button on the remote…


confession: my gang’s nicknames are all just hot sauce brands


“God” not mentioned in Democratic platform means they don’t worship God. “Money” mentioned eleven times in Republican platform.