If anyone deserves an Oscar, it’s me for nodding and pretending to understand the directions you’re explaining to me when I know I’m going to use Google Maps regardless

You Might Also Like


Me: I have an irrational fear of things
Dr: Such as?
Me: Driving, Swimming and Underground Passages
Dr: You have Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome


According to commercials, a woman’s primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.


I dated a guy in a band for two months before I realised he was just a sexy mop.


TEEN 1: Church is so boring.
TEEN 2: It’s so out of touch.
THE YOUNG POPE approaches pulpit: “Some…BODY once told me–”



[*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!


Quarantine Day 26
Puts pictures of mom all around the house and runs with scissors laughing maniacally


“Where you going, we’re in the middle of a conversation.”

OMG! This is just the middle.

Annnnnd that’s how the fight started.