@Daniel_Sloss

If anyone says YOLO to me I say YOLBYPCFAC (You Only Live Because Your Parents Couldn’t Find A Condom). I hope it catches on…

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@pilau

Scarface: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FREN

me: hi

Danny Devito: well hello there

@Kulpie

Is pregnancy genetic cause my mom was pregnant and so was my grandma and I’m worried

@casablankstare

Smart of them to call it cookies I mean who’s gonna decline cookies? If they’d said this site uses snakes people would be like aw hell naw

@flashember

ME: this is Inky my pet octopus, Stompy my elephant and Mr Butters my horse

FRIEND: the horse isn’t Hoofy or something?

ME: grow up Kalvin

@Darlainky

I hadn’t pledged allegiance to the flag in so long I forgot the words and I may have just drunkenly pledged to one nation, invisible, with librarian judges for all.