@TheAndrewNadeau

{If autocorrect was a person}
ME: I think that’s right.
AUTOCORRECT: It’s not.
ME: Then what is it?
AUTOCORRECT: I don’t know, dude. Aubergine?
ME: You think I meant aubergine?
AUTOCORRECT: Look, I know literally all of the words, and that was none of them. Maybe this is on you.

You Might Also Like

@tweetsbyrocket

therapist: u suffer from social isolation

me: oh no

therapist: you just need to talk to people

me: OH NO

@AndrewNadeau0

RIVERS WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES & ALL WHO PLOTTED AGAINST ME WILL KNOW A FEAR-oh never mind my keys were in my other pocket

@hansabumsadaisy

#RubbishJokes #Coffee
Waiter, waiter, the coffee is cold!

Thanks for letting me know, ice coffee is one pound dearer.

@yonewt

verbiage sounds like something you’re not getting enough of in your diet

@EternalDago

Landlords be like “it’s an old building” alright then I’ll pay old rent, here’s 20 bucks it’s a fortune

@julie2288

90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you’re OK with it.