@Juicedballs

If babies named Todd don’t call themselves “The Toddler” then what’s the point of having a douchebag baby name like Todd?

You Might Also Like

@cakickboxher

Why does it have to rain men? Why can’t it rain something useful like Doritos?

@LurkAtHomeMom

Toddler: *crying bc it isn’t her turn with the princess crown*

Me: Sweetie, you need to share

Husband: Just give her the crown, you’re 35

@FredTaming

me: like taking candy from a-

giant baby: no no, please go on

@murrman5

“do you know the best way to get rid of a wasp nest?”
no, try using your phone
[throws phone and hits wasp nest]
*running* I meant google it

@tastefactory

*watching horror movie where young couple moves into new house & scary things happen* This is unrealistic they could never afford this house

@RidiculousSheri

I was in a gang once. We wore blue, traveled in packs, and ruled our turf with shiny instruments…wait. Band. I was in the marching band.

@Holy_Mowgli

her: did you know Weezer covered Africa

me: [impressed] with what

@Amusitr0n

grandmas are always like “not enough meat on your bones” the only reasonable explanation being that at a certain age every grandma starts giving serious thought to cooking her family and eating them

@KentWGraham

The worst part of a 30-minute workout is the final 29 minutes.