*wakes up in bed with horse’s head, hits snooze button*
If by fitness you mean I eat healthy & exercise regularly, then yes, I am not fit.
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4YO: Mom, you just yawned. That means you’re tired.
6YO: No, she just sighed. It means she’s had it with you.
I gotta stop applyin for Everything on Indeed I got a Interview Tuesday to be a Pastor
computer: create username
computer: username has been taken
FRIEND: So how about next Thursday?
ME: Oh. No can do. I’m gonna have diarrhea all day.
A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
*holding your xray up to the light and looking at it*
when did you first notice your back hurting?
“after the knife went in”
Me: Thanks for helping me move.
The Rock: No problem. Hey let me grab this box-
Me: NO, DON’T! IT’S FULL OF-
[The Rock gets crushed]
Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies.
Under Obama we had 1.
Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?
Drink like a fish and you’ll never feel like a fish out of water socially. You might look like one but you’ll never feel like one…