I’m so sick and tired of all the Internet bullying. “My password is NOT weak. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!”
If by loves to travel you mean secretly following you every where you go from a safe distance then yes I love to travel.
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If she ever says: What did you just say!? I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.
Blossom: So you like that?
Blossom: Are you saying stop?
Blossom: OK This is the worst safeword ever
A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos.
Dude. It’s just a crayon. Don’t do anything drastic.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2…!!
exec: any ideas for new kids shows
writer: a mouse tries to murder a cat with a toaster
exec: nice. what else?
writer: a coyote tries to murder a roadrunner with dynamite
exec: love it. any more?
writer: a dude with a speech impediment tries to murder a rabbit with a shotgun
By age 35 you should run into friends and say “WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!” twice a week. You will never hang out. You’ll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
Her: How do you feel about legalizing marijuana?
Me: I’m ambidextrous about it.
Her: Um, I think you meant to use a different word.
Me: [a joint in each hand] Oh, how embarrassing.
Girl, you know you’re the only one.