If you blast Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is”, the naked old guys in the gym locker room cover up pretty damn quick.
If Captain America doesn’t have a pizza hidden behind his shield at all times, he isn’t fighting for the America I want to live in.
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“There are 2 seats. Which one do you want?”
“Right one for me.”
“Am I left with any choice?”
What if rocks were bread
Today I found out my nephew is scared of the vacuum..
Today I also found out I have a very dark cruel evil side to me..
The fastest and most deadly land mammal is a woman who has noticed another woman flirting with her man.
Me: my point is, if you remove the potatoes from potato salad you aren’t left with salad
Me: so what else are you lying about
*Drops French fry in the crevice of car seat*
Join your brothers and sisters sweet child
*Beethoven & orchestra take stage*
HECKLER: (chanting) Ode to Joy! Ode to Joy!
Beethoven: –we’re gonna play some new stuff
Lobsters gonna lobst.
[The oddity of dating]: Hey I like your face, also possibly your body. Let’s see if I can stand your personality until we die Okay?