[Commercial for axes]
[A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods]
*Turns to camera*
“There has to be a better way?”
If cops used t-shirt guns instead of handguns they wouldn’t even need to tell criminals to put their hands up.
You Might Also Like
I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow just in case a gang of cats break in while I’m sleeping.
I’m only two people away from having a love triangle.
ME: were you paying attention to anything I said?
9 YEAR OLD: I don’t even pay attention to anything I say.
[doc walks in holding up my X-rays with one hand & giving a thumbs down with the other]
Bad news, pal. You’re a skeleton.
[ ] single
[ ] taken
[X] waiting for the spaceship to return
I’m so hungry I could eat an apple
[i bite into an apple and a swarm of bees comes flying out]
“this gives me an idea for a restaurant”
Gently down the stream,
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Killing bad guys in old Detroit in revenge for his murder.
Me: Let’s role play. You be a jogger out for a run, & I’ll be the body you stumble across.
Him: So you’re planning on just laying there, like always.