Friend: Why are there 5 FBI agents sitting at desks in your bedroom?
Me: Ordered a small bureau on line and this is what they sent.
If Disney movies have taught me anything, it’s that the whole ENTIRE world speaks English. Including animals and inanimate objects.
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how do you get over the heartache of an ex whose cat ur never gonna see again?
Those stupid stress balls don’t work!!!… I just ate one, and it got stuck in my throat… And now, I’m more stressed than before!!!
I’ll scaramouche, but I don’t do the Fandango for every little silhouetto of a man.
American Horror Story: Public Restroom
When you do drugs, you’re also doing all the drugs that those drugs have done.
[Chasing a man out of the bathroom with a pube] Sir you dropped this!
Pediatrician: How much water does she drink?
Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
[parent teacher conference]
TEACHER: little joey has trouble accepting responsibility for his actions
PARENT: good luck dealing with that
Why just pufferfish? Why not other pufferanimals?
Why not a pufferpuma?