@LlamaInaTux

If dogs named famous people, we would have:
-Bark Wahlberg
-Bark Zuckerberg
-Bark Hammill
-Bark Obama
-Charles Barkley would still be Charles Barkley

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@TheRealRHB

Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor’s cat….she’s out there rubbing up against it now

@robdelaney

My niece just said “Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!” Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.

@brendohare

If I was in charge of the Batman movies I would do a brief scene where it’s implied there is a Batman in every city in America, each of varying skill. For example, the one in Grand Rapids is locked in his car

@P1ssed_K1d

AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM:
Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Me: *runs up* if anyone asks, we’re friends. just be cool.

Dog: *wags tail*

Me: oh you’re good.

@RunOldMan

One of the most unforgivable sins is spilling your coffee because you’re texting while driving.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

Anyone else notice how Barney the Dinosaur is basically a T-rex & parents had no qualms about leaving their children with an apex predator?