If Europe uses euros shouldn’t Africa use Afros?

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You don’t know how to properly recycle cardboard? Let me break it down for you


*gets a new lease on life*

*misses first payment*


One day we will look back at the criminalization of marijuana and laugh because we will be so high.


The movie ”Finding Nemo” would’ve lasted only 5 minutes if his mother would’ve looked for him.


Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car.


Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.


Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous
“Obamanible snowman…?”
*obama walks in*
Everything okay joe?
“Uh yeah just fine”


[me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don’t have a favorite really


her: well don’t just stand there, say something

me: they should make paintbrushes that look like bob ross

her: i said i’m pregnant matt

me: his hair could be the brush part


It’s bikini season, so you’re allowed to shoot bikinis as long as you have a permit.