@TheHomieJesus

If Europe uses euros shouldn’t Africa use Afros?

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@SkinnerSteven

You don’t know how to properly recycle cardboard? Let me break it down for you

@TheBoydP

*gets a new lease on life*

*misses first payment*

@trevso_electric

One day we will look back at the criminalization of marijuana and laugh because we will be so high.

@samalmightysam

The movie ”Finding Nemo” would’ve lasted only 5 minutes if his mother would’ve looked for him.

@Dr_powpow

Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car.

@Parkerlawyer

Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.

@SatansTongue

Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous
“Obamanible snowman…?”
*obama walks in*
Everything okay joe?
*nervously*
“Uh yeah just fine”

@bornmiserable

[me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don’t have a favorite really

@TweetPotato314

her: well don’t just stand there, say something

me: they should make paintbrushes that look like bob ross

her: i said i’m pregnant matt

me: his hair could be the brush part

@KimmyMonte

It’s bikini season, so you’re allowed to shoot bikinis as long as you have a permit.