@TheHomieJesus
@SkinnerSteven
You don’t know how to properly recycle cardboard? Let me break it down for you
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@SkinnerSteven
@TheBoydP
*gets a new lease on life*
*misses first payment*
@trevso_electric
One day we will look back at the criminalization of marijuana and laugh because we will be so high.
@samalmightysam
The movie ”Finding Nemo” would’ve lasted only 5 minutes if his mother would’ve looked for him.
@Dr_powpow
Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car.
@Parkerlawyer
Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
@SatansTongue
Tv: The abominable snowman is very dangerous
“Obamanible snowman…?”
*obama walks in*
Everything okay joe?
*nervously*
“Uh yeah just fine”
@bornmiserable
[me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don’t have a favorite really
@TweetPotato314
her: well don’t just stand there, say something
me: they should make paintbrushes that look like bob ross
her: i said i’m pregnant matt
me: his hair could be the brush part
@KimmyMonte
It’s bikini season, so you’re allowed to shoot bikinis as long as you have a permit.