@WhaJoTalkinBout kid that threw a ball into my yard: hey give it back
me: *hugging his dog* no
@PleaseBeGneiss If God sent a flood to wipe out humans for being perverts what kinda nasty shit were the dinos into?
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@WhaJoTalkinBout 
@Bob_Janke Reports say 3 billion Yahoo accounts were hacked and suddenly 3 billion people remembered they had yahoo accounts.
@fusedude Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS3 in return.
@NikiWithIssues Going commando is the closest I’ll ever get to joining the army.
@sonictyrant therapist: according to your wife you only say rude words
me: rude words
therapist: yes
me: rude words
therapist: i see
@DeanOkay My electric car is getting a service, so I have to drive an acoustic one.
@ShortSleeveSuit People that don’t speed up when merging onto a highway, who hurt you? Because I’d like to try next
@trumpetcake I dressed as a chimp for 4 years to win a woman’s heart. Eventually I realized that disguising myself was a breech of trust and revealing myself would be a betrayal. I stayed a chimp 3 more years, contributing to important data she was collecting. I realize now I sullied that too
@HiddleDeeDee Stripping wallpaper is probably the worst of all the stripping.
@PJTLynch The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago